A Lime
When Life Is out of Exactly What You Want
There was just one more item on my list. All I needed was a lime.
But I couldn’t have it.
Though the grocery store was completely stocked, overly stocked, with every other type of produce, there was not one single lime to be found.
Needing one lime certainly didn’t feel like too big of an ask- was I out of the loop on something? The fact that the entire grocery store was out of limes (and only out of limes) felt oddly targeted, almost personal.
The Store of Life
The scene was so ridiculous, I had to take a picture. But as I snapped the photo, I twinged with emotion.
Sometimes it feels like the Store of Life is completely, and intentionally, out of just the thing I’m looking for. Throughout my life this has looked like rest, money, friendships, mental health, family stability, romantic love, babies, a job- the list is never-ending isn’t it?
When I am hyper aware of my lack, the first thing I do is look around to compare. I can’t help but wonder how everyone made it to the limes before I did. How did everyone know just what to do to buy a house? How did everyone manage to avoid the situations that dismantled my worldview?
When I see (what feels like) everyone else with their limes, it confirms the notion that I am entitled to a lime. Not getting one must be deliberate.
Holding Space
I didn’t realize I had been carrying this monster of a mindset around with me. We sang a simple lyric at church, and all that pent up energy accelerated me into a full unraveling: “He is for me.”
My mask soaked up my streaming tears, and wagging my finger at God, I listed out all the ways it hasn’t felt like He has been for me. When I exhausted that list, the good little Christian in me piped up and humbly listed all the ways it feels like God has been for me.
The lists were of similar length. Doing this didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t make me feel worse. It just made me hold space for both.
Comparison vs Connection
Life can be scarce and abundant all at the same time. And it is okay to acknowledge them both. We can have all of what someone else wants and none of what someone else has, and this is confusing and cumbersome. But I believe it is core to the human experience.
When I stop looking around to compare, I begin looking around to connect. Take a minute to think of the people you love. We’re all carrying different expressions of both lack and abundance. Rather than envy and jealousy, this makes me feel compassion and empathy.
I believe there is strength in holding the truths of our experience without making them mutually exclusive.
I believe there is grace in looking at our blessings and saying they are good while other things are hard.
I believe there is peace in looking at our lack and saying it is hard, but God is good.
Whatever limes feel out of stock in your life, my prayer for you and for me is that we would feel equipped with strength and grace and peace as we hold it all. And may we learn to dissolve the temptation to compare with a desire to connect.
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