IS IT JUST ME?
BIKINI LINES, TRAUMA RESPONSES, & WHY WE NEED WORDS
Do you mind if I tell you a story about my bikini line?
There. Now that I’ve cleared out the classy people, you and I can get down to business.
I was a tremendously early bloomer, arriving way more than 15 minutes early to the puberty party, and I had a lot of questions. The most pressing one being- how are all these women just waltzing around in bikini bottoms?!
I looked like I was smuggling a plush orangutan in my pants, and I didn’t have the slightest idea how to manage this. I was also way too embarrassed to consult a real life person - what if no one else was like this?!
First I engaged with the encyclopedia. Love you, Britannica, but your graphics are not always anatomically correct when it comes to certain… accoutrements. I didn’t have language for what I was dealing with, what to even look up. Information on this subject wasn’t scheduled to air in my life for another 7 years or so!
Other than the encyclopedia, Ask Jeeves on our family computer was my only additional “resource.” Even if I had known the terms to search, or been brave enough to “Ask Jeeves,” I didn’t know what would happen to the indecent words entered into that foreboding search bar. What if my parents got an email notification the minute I clicked enter!? It’s the internet! Anything could happen!
THE BOTCHERY
Well, I shave my legs, I thought, so I’ll just … do… that…
Having no understanding of how far off course shaving can go without the proper supplies and technique, I completely hacked up my bikini line. I made a big ol mess. I didn’t know what razor burn was, but I did know something had gone terribly awry.
Like a total creeper, I spent the summer scanning every pool deck for a botched bikini line like mine. It felt like the course of my life would be determined by this research. When I didn’t see anyone else struggling with similarly embarrassing blemishes, I made a natural assumption. I’m the only one, and there is something wrong with me. That’s when my search for a solution ended, and I decided I would just wear waterproof shorts over my swimsuit for the rest of my life, that is if I ever swam again.
Years later my sister and I were indulging in some late night summertime TV. A bubble gum pink graphic flashed across the screen, and for the first time in my timid little life I heard the term bikini line. Whaaaat! There was a name for that region that I tried to forget?? Then the next phrase: razor burn. Gasp! That’s what was happening to me?! And then marketing at it’s finest- the cream to cure it all. In a measly 15 seconds I was given all the information I needed and didn’t know existed!
These new terms, a universally identified problem and a potential solution left me feeling equipped and empowered! With confidence I asked for what I needed, and had at the very least a starting point for my summertime landscaping routine. From where I sit in my thirties, where my gals and I recommend waxers and gush about how talented one esthetician is over the other, this whole circumstance feels silly.
THE ONLY ONE
But here’s the thing- it’s not silly. This is happening today. It’s happening to me and it’s happening to you.
I’m talking about the challenges we face and the assumptions we make. We deal with distressing circumstances or reprehensible realities and believe we’re the only ones. There’s something wrong with us. Boy, how our minds love to confirm a negative bias.
How often are we left to our own devices without even the vocabulary to google? Up a creek without a paddle, we’re unable to suss out if it’s just us, or if there’s a solution.
A few years back I felt so helpless as I began processing *for real* the effects of my sexual assault. I didn’t know why I was suddenly reacting in new and alarming ways. No one else I knew was going through this (the unfounded assumptions we make), and I couldn’t find the resources I hoped for on the internet.
WE NEED WORDS
One of the most empowering things we can do for each other is debunk the lie that we are alone, and give each other language to find help and resources.
I write for the person botching up their bikini line and hiding their self-hate with a pair of waterproof shorts, because it’s far too easy to bully ourselves into ruinous isolation. When we sink into shame all by ourselves, we lose each other. I’m tired of losing each other.
With new terms, a universally identified problem and a potential solution I want to encourage us- we have everything we need to pursue healing. We are equipped and empowered.
I’ve seen some shit, and if you’ve made it this far, I bet you have too. I want to go on record saying our responses to that shit make sense, even if it feels unpredictable, random, and inconsistent.
The good news is as we make sense of what’s happening, we equip ourselves. We become considerably more confident to ask for what we need, and at the very least we have a starting point for healing.
Sharing is caring! If these words resonated, share ‘em with a friend!