MANAGING OUR TRIGGERS
THE IMPORTANCE OF UPDATING OUR POP-UP SETTINGS
Phones are getting smarter and yet also dumber. When I’m prompted to enter login information, my phone remembers the password or recognizes my face, and in I go. A website asks for my billing information, and here comes the pop-up with my card number, address etc. These automated settings could be so helpful, but for me they are not.
You see, whenever I’m prompted to insert my name, my phone suggests “Charissa Standage,” my maiden name. When asked for my email address, my old college email I can’t even access anymore auto populates. My address? You guessed it! The address for my charming childhood home on Quince St. where strangers have lived for several years now.
This drives me nuts. It bothers me that my phone is smart enough to remember information from ages ago, but not smart enough to notice and update when I change it every. single. time.
I am always struck by this auto population. I sincerely have no idea how this information got into the settings. I don’t remember inputting this data or checking any boxes, and my phone only recently started suggesting these outdated details. None of my accounts are linked to these old emails or names, all my billing is up to date, so where is this coming from?
WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?
This is a question I ask quite often, particularly of my anger. I’ll be in a somewhat normal situation, and then BAM I am flooded with explosive feelings. Where is this coming from? I’m on the phone with a customer service agent who isn’t listening to what I’m asking for, and I feel like I could throw my phone through the freaking wall. The well-intentioned acquaintance who touches my arm during conversation or the person who speaks over me makes me want to test out the Kill Bill fight sequence I just rewatched.
The thing about trauma is it impacts the way we perceive our interactions. Situations that are not actually a threat to our safety are misinterpreted as dangerous in our bodies. When prompted for a response, instead of popping up with updated information, we are not in danger, our body auto populates with old information, we are not safe. This happens before our mind is able to hop in and manually correct our response.
Our reaction to these triggers can look insane to someone on the outside, as it appears to be a clear overreaction. But to our body it makes perfect sense.
For me these “over reactions” pop up when a man is not listening to my words, when I feel powerless in my communication or surprised by someone’s touch. Instead of responding with updated information, this person is just being rude and I am equipped to handle it, my body reverts back to old information, this person is a threat to my safety- defend at all cost.
UPDATING THE SETTINGS
I sincerely thought I could manage these adrenaline infused reactions by white knuckling my triggers. When they popped up, I would manually dismiss them and try to override them. It worked (ish) for a few years. But after a while that gets really challenging and takes up a lot of time and energy. Straight up I ran out of steam and it wasn’t a sustainable option anymore.
Part of what irritates me about my phone auto populating with old information, is I assume it’s a fairly straight-forward fix. I just don’t know where to find the setting responsible for this automated response. If I can figure out where it’s coming from, I can fix it, right?
Making this update would really simplify my life, but it would require exploring the settings…. dun dun duuuuun. I hate going into settings. It feels like freaking Alice in Wonderland in there. I get turned around, I mess other things up, it is just never an easy process (and we already heard how I handle phone calls with Apple support).
In order to change the body’s response to these triggers, we must also go into the sometimes daunting settings and update the pop-ups. We have to properly process and store the traumatic memories so as to not be constantly prompted with outdated information. It makes sense where it comes from, but if we manually work around it for the rest of our life, we risk being triggered in settings where we are not understood, we don’t have control and the consequences can really escalate. Practice really does make perfect. If we make a habit of giving into these triggers year after year, learning to appropriately manage our trigger responses will take all the more effort to correct.
So instead let’s take the time, find the resources and begin the journey into our internal settings. For me this looks like engaging in EMDR therapy, for you this might be googling therapists near you, for others it might be recognizing when and where your body is auto populating with misinformation. No matter what it is, may we all be reminded we are empowered to make the change and help ourselves move forward in safety. We’ve got this, friend.
Sharing is caring! If these words resonated, share ‘em with a friend!